I don't think being a gossip person necessarily makes you a bad person. I think it is useful in my work in many ways. For example, when I interview people in a journalistic capacity, I make sure that I'm genuinely interested in their stories, what makes them tick, and their real lives beyond the well-written soundbites and surface level stuff. I notice. I think my deep love of gossip also makes me a careful listener. I'd really appreciate any advice on how to untangle the drama in your friendship group or what to do when you're getting mixed signals. I would love to examine the screenshots. Sit and listen until you have nothing left to say, then think about it together again the next day.
That doesn't mean gossip is always harmless. In many cases, this is not the case. Consider how paparazzi have historically followed celebrities and flashed their lights as soon as they left their homes. It's anathema to our goths that tabloids unnecessarily dig into stars' lives, hacking their phones, publishing stories about hidden mental health struggles, and dissecting their private relationships. It's because of collective obsession. Gossip can have negative effects when it crosses people's boundaries or strips them of ownership of their story, for example, sharing information about someone's sexuality before they come out.
That said, there's a big difference between a tabloid publicly outing someone and you and your mates WhatsApping someone you caught them flirting with outside a club. . Most of us instinctively know what kind of gossip is harmful and what kind of gossip is just a little bit of fun. And as social creatures, we are hardwired to seek connection, and gossip is part of that. Many studies have shown that gossip promotes intimacy while maintaining social order. A 2015 study found that people who listened to gossip had more activity in their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for navigating complex social behaviors. In other words, we have developed the way we have because it is socially beneficial.
Now that I live a relatively stable and peaceful life, I rarely find myself at the center of gossip. However, she has been at the center of gossip in the past. There was a time in my early 20s when I really enjoyed it. Before I knew it, I was getting involved with people I shouldn't be, or doing things just to shock myself or others (the kids call this “for the sake of intrigue”). I'll have to talk to my therapist about why it happened. Maybe they thought it made me more interesting. Or maybe he was trying to fill a void in his heart. Maybe I was just young and now I'm old. It doesn't really matter. In any case, I used to like people talking about me, but not anymore. Or you just haven't given them anything to talk about.
