What a week, what a week, what a week!
So much is happening around the world, it’s time to get it funneled into one convenient package in this week’s edition of The Punch-Up!
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We had Jimmy Fallon making himself the main character, Phil Jackson ripping the NBA for making millionaires play a game on holidays, and we’ve got the nation’s premier bankrupt toy store getting the silver screen treatment.
A USPS driver was charged with DUI after allegedly having two shots at a house party on her route. I’d need a drink too if I knew that at any moment I might need to pick up some dude’s Cologuard box.
A man in Staten Island burned three houses in his neighborhood after setting sex toys on fire. The man apologized and promised that next time he would be sure to use lube.
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A new report suggests that former President Joe Biden believed that transgender athletes had an advantage over biological females. However, he never addressed it because he could never remember if “transgender woman” meant that they were a woman who transitioned or the other way around.
A pool league in the UK has banned men from competing against women just weeks after two transgender players competed for a women’s title. Transgender players are, however, invited to compete in their newly created “11-ball” tournament.
A Connecticut man is facing charges after shooting and killing a black bear that he says threatened his family. Democratic Senator Chris Van Hollen has already traveled to the dead bear’s den and had margaritas with its family.
Tiger King star Joe Exotic married a fellow inmate while he serves time for his role in a murder-for-hire plot. Exotic said that after the wedding, he planned to party like it was 2020; the last time anyone cared about Tiger King.
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A new study has found that 96% of alligator attacks were the human victim’s fault. The other 4% were just cursed by the fact that they were incredibly delicious.
A movie about iconic toy retailer Toys ‘R’ Us is currently in the works. Disney isn’t involved, and that’s obvious since there aren’t any plans to make Geoffrey the Giraffe gay.
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Got all of that?
Good; see you back here next week!
